Arranged Marriage- Why or Why not?

Arranged marriage is a marriage upon which two or more parties arrange a marriage between two persons. The parties arranging a marriage may pick suitors based upon financial security, religion, upbringing, health, and many other things. These parties may be the parents of the unwed person, or matchmakers. Typically, the parent/matchmaker makes note of potential spouses for their daughter/son/client. The two families may meet and the unwed persons decide whether or not to pursue getting to know eachother. If so, there may be another meeting, or the two families may make a bond and the engagement is complete! An unwed person may go through many potential spouses until choosing one they like. Though sometimes called forced marriage, traditional arranged marriages do not happen unless the unwed consent.

This type of marriage is predominantly practing in the Middle East and Southeast Asia, but it is in many parts of the world- even those you would not expect. It is both a celebrated tradition and a cultural taboo, but either way you look at it, there are both benefiets, downsides.

The traditional type of marriage in the west is arranged between the two unwed persons by themselves. Family usually plays a signifigantly lower role in the unwed's marriage choice. The unwed persons may know eachother for a very long time until deciding to marry.

So, between these two types of marriage, one must wonder- which one is best?

Arranged marriage, in the west, is a very thought-provoking topic. In most situations, arranged marriage in the US is a very foreign concept, and many do not understand why a person would choose to marry someone they have not been with very long, if at all. The thought that persons may have families or matchmakers help choose spouses on basis on so many aspects often is met with distaste and confusion, if not hate. Why is this? American culture values personalization, independece, and most importantly, the freedom to do almost anything. With this, eventually comes the desire to pursue relationships as wished. SInce allowed, relationships before marriage are highly normal and one may be in love many times over. The relationship before marriage gives personalization and comfort to the situation, The normality to have many partners and 'move on' from them brings independence, and the freedom to choose anyone to wed, even if their families do not agree or their life situation isn't quite as good is very appealing to the generations of today's western societies. There is nothing Americans love more than their freedom, and they are always willing to fight for it.

If we look at the US's history, we will see various alterations and forms of arranged marriage. A prominent example would be in the 1950's, where girls often aimed to marry financially secure, handsome and respected men with good families and good records. Though also incorporating love before marriage, the 50's marriage norms were very much like arranged marriages, where if the families disagreed, it would not happen. That isn't to say some didn't elope, though. As the concept of freedom and american culture advanced, so did the concept of marriage soley on personal choice.

This doens't mean that all in the west are opposed to arranged marriage, and some even aim for it. It even exists in subtle forms- We still see today, women eyeing the single doctor, and chasing after rich tycoons- it's all over television and films, where the most appealing characters are the richest, most intelligent, or most trustworthy, and people flock to them because of it.

Arranged marriages can be a very happy time in someone's life- and for the rest of it.There are a number of considerable benefits, each of them important to leading a stable, good life. A few of the benefits correlating to arranged marriages are, if the right suitor is chosen:

• financial security. Families/matchmakers try and choose suitors who are secure and well-off in finances, which ensures that money will be something that is always able to be gained in the case of an emergency or other such events.
• cultural and/or religious understanding. Many times, the arranged spouses descend somewhat from the same type of culture, or share the same religion. This ensures that the spouses understand one another's lifestyles, and it gives common ground and belonging to the betrothed. In some cases, this preserves the cultural and religious identity of the persons and allows them to express it as they wish.
• avoidance of pre-marriage relationships/courtship. In some cases, people are very averse to the often awkward and time-consuming tango of dating and courtship. Arranged marriages often eliminate the years many waste dating multiple persons, and allow persons to find a good spouse without the need to do so.
• encouragement of abstinence. As is common in american culture, many indulge in relationships in which there is fornication before marriage, or without the intent of marriage at all. Arranged marriages encourage abstinence, eliminating the possibility of later guilt and remorse from previous 'relations'. This sets a good example for other family members and children, and may lower one's chances of contracting veneral disease.
• incompatibiliy is greatly lowered. Because of the many factors that go into choosing partners for an arranged marriage, compatibility is usually very good with all the areas taken into consideration (education, crime record, family, religion, etc.). Partners are arranged based of the similarities of these areas. The similarity between the two partners ensures that they understand each other, and are able to live comfortably as they have always been accustomed.
• divorce is more unlikely. Because of the similarities and matchings between the two spouses, divorce is more unlikely to happen due to irreconcilable differences or disputes, as in many arranged marriages they both have the same veiws on marriage and family- and may share the same culture, religion and more. There is then little left to dispute and differentiate about and the spouses can focus on each other rather than their differences. In many situations, the insight given by the parents/matchmaker on the future spouse and the willing consent of the unwed person to marry a selected partner stregthens the marriage, as all are happy with the choice and the instincts of the parents are good.
• trust in in-laws. Though in-laws are usually depicted as unlikable, nosy relatives in popular american film, in arranged marriages, in-laws can be very supportive and close to the new relatives. Since the entire family tends to give input on prospective spouses for their family members, once a spouse is found and they wed, both families then become united by the marriage and are then one, for they are both happy and pleased with their new relatives. If not, then the two partners would have never married. There is a saying in arranged marriages, that a woman marries the family, not just the groom. This can be a very good thing, for the newlyweds can then depend on and trust their new families if needed, and there is always help if the spouses are having troubles, for a family member can always step in and help to resolve the problem. This can mean that when going to family parties, there is no awkward silence between in-laws, and everyone is happy to see one another.
• equality. In matching spouses, some very important factors are generally met equally. Equality/similarity in education, financial situation, and other things is very good. For example, an arranged marriage could be stressed if one spouse earned the gist of the income, as it would pressure the other to earn more or cause them to feel dependent. Education, matched properly, could help so the partners feel equal in intelligence, therefore eliminating a stress or pressure of being 'dumb' or illiterate. Also, both being educated, the spouses are most likely to be equally rational and sensible in raising children or dealing with some issues.

Those were simply a few of the benefits to arranged marriage, and one must hope to acheive some level of these benefits. There are many others,depending on where you reside in and which culture you pertain to.

Of course, with every advantage, there is a disadvantage. A few disadvantages do pertain to arranged marriages, and one must be careful to avoid them. Disadvantages may include:

• dependence/inablility to choose a partner. In somes cases, when parents or elders help to choose a partner, it discourages the unwed person to think for themselves and consider whether or not they believe they would be compatible. In the case of this, if after a few years of marriage, if it is going unwell, it is easy for that person to then blame their parents for poor judgement.
• families too close for comfort. Some arranged marriages, in the case of which spouses are in an argument, it may be uncomfortable or odd for the families to become involved in situations otherwise better solved soley by the partners. Especially for those raised in the west, it may be strange or even stressful for the families to have too much of their noses in their business, even more so when they express their own views in the situation.
• love becoming the second most important thing. In arranged marriages, there is a saying, to think with your head and not your heart. Yet, it is important to think with both. Spouses who think only with their head may end up realizing there is no emotional compatibility, and those who think only with their heart may end up realizing they do not have a stable future. Although love may come later, it is important to secure a stable future. Sometimes the spouses are in love at meeting, at marriage, or later. Love sometimes blossoms later and when it does, only stregthens the marriage and make the spouses happier. However, in the case where love does not blossom, help can be sought- and if nothing can be done, then the marriage was not right somehow.

Marriage is a very special and joyous part of many people's lives, and can bring together entire families or nations- as it has done and kept doing so in the past and into the future. When one decides they want to marry sometime in life, it can be very stressful or exciting- and all they must do is choose how.

As with any kind of marriage, all are blessings in their own way and I wish luck to all who are about to marry or married! Salaam and god bless.

II beleive that all sorts of marriage are suitable and joyous- but I think that certain types of marriage are for certain people. I am an advocate for myself to pursue an arranged marriage, and I wish to marry a Muslim man before I am twenty-three years old. However, even though I am Muslim, my family is predominantly Christian, therefore I will be pusing for them to participate with a matchmaker to find me prospective partners.

I also plan to marry after having established a career of writing novels and being an anthropologist. Hopefully, Insha'allah, I will have children soon after marriage.

Marriage is a very joyous part of life, and I sincerely hope that everyone going through it, arranged or not, lives happily and well. Salaam and god bless.